


Every Waking Moment

by cioelle



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: First Kiss, Fluff, Love Confessions, M/M, Pre Time-Skip, it's just caspar thinking he's one sided pining but surprise!, they love each other!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-29
Updated: 2019-08-29
Packaged: 2020-09-29 22:24:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20443541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cioelle/pseuds/cioelle
Summary: Caspar has something he wants to say to Linhardt, but he can only get it off his chest while the other sleeps.





	Every Waking Moment

**Author's Note:**

> I just love Linspar, they're cute and in love.

Skipping class was not a habit Caspar had ever wanted to pick up, but, with a best friend like Linhardt, it seemed inevitable. 

He wouldn’t go so far as to say they were attached at the hip, but he tried to stick close to him when he could; acting as a both a moral compass and personal bodyguard. Though Linhardt (and most of his classmates) would swear up and down that Caspar was the troublemaker, he’d had to fight off guys more times than he could count after his curious friend had stuck his nose where it didn’t belong and asked questions he probably shouldn’t have. All in the pursuit of science, of course. 

Today seemed like a relatively risk free endeavor. Go into the woods, get some flowers, leave. How hard could that be? The only reason he’d insisted on going is because of the rumors that thieves had been seen around the woods outside of Garreg Mach had been swirling around the staff and students. He doubted they would run into any, but better safe than sorry.

A few minutes had passed since the clock had rung signaling their meeting time before Linhardt finally decided to show up. Caspar would never hold it against him though, and the chronically late boy knew this. A few minutes late might as well be on time for him, and Caspar had learned to deal with it after all these years.

“Ready to go?” Linhardt asked him, likely eager to get in and out before his scheduled afternoon nap passed. 

“Can’t even bother with a ‘Hello’ first?” He teased before standing up and brushing the creases out of his pants. Lin snorted and rolled his eyes, amused at the other.

“Hello, ready to go?” 

“I am now!” The shorter boy flung his arm around his companions shoulder, the force of his tackle sending both of them stumbling to the side. It wouldn’t be the first time he had sent them toppling and probably not the last. Frankly, it came with the territory of hanging out with such an energetic person, so Linhardt was prepared and quickly regained his footing. They strolled in amicable silence for a few moments before Caspar started speaking again. Linhardt was perfectly fine with quiet, but he tended to fill space with conversation. 

“So, what’re we studying today?” arms folded behind his head comfortably as he glanced at the other. He has a basic grasp of what they’re doing, but he just feels like talking and the only way to get Lin to talk is by bringing up his work.

“From what I’ve heard there’s a flower that blooms in the woods outside of the monastery that has special healing properties...” He then launches into a long speech about the history of medicinal herbs and why this plant was so special with a lot more scientific jargon than the less intellectually gifted boy tends to understand. Caspar patiently listened, even though most of it went over his head. Moreso enjoying the animated way the other talked when he was excited about a subject. Rarely did anyone get to see this side of Linhardt: energetic and full of life. It was one of the things he loved most about him. 

“And that’s why I want to test it on a non-crest bearing subject.” The researcher ties up his speech and looks expectantly at his classmate. His smile falters. He should have known Lin would be up to something other than a simple gathering trip. 

“You didn’t tell me I was gonna be a test subject today!” 

“Come now, it’s nothing as serious as that. Just a simple medicinal study.” Hands wave nonchalantly in the air, brushing off his concern “Besides, it takes a while to prepare the remedy so it won’t be today.” 

Truthfully, that didn’t make Caspar feel much better. At least he’d have time to prepare himself, or, perhaps, convince him to pick a different lab rat. Knowing Lin though, that wouldn’t suffice. Everyone else was just as aware of his experimental... tendencies, and only Caspar was stupid enough to keep coming back from more. He couldn’t help that he enjoyed spending time with his best friend, even if it was time where his life was at risk. 

They continued their journey, the jitters of missing a lecture quickly leaving his system. For once in his life he decided to stop and take in the beautiful scenery around him. It wasn’t often that he left the grounds of the monastery. Instead, choosing to spend a majority of his time locked up in the training grounds. He had to admit that getting out into nature was a nice change of pace. The summer months were quickly on their way out, currently being replaced by cool, autumnal air. Crisp and woodsy scents lingered on the breeze as they traveled deeper in, and he noticed that many of the trees were already changing color and dropping their leaves; they crunched underfoot as the two traveled along. The only trees that hadn't changed were the evergreens. He’d always wondered what made them keep their color through the harsh winter months. 

“Hey Lin,” he pointed towards a fir tree ahead of them “ever notice how your hair is the same color as that tree.” 

A toothy grin spread across his face as he teased his closest friend. The boys didn’t make it a habit of being purposefully mean, but he knew Lin enjoyed the chance to banter even if it sometimes did turn into a quarrel. He didn’t really mind. To him, bickering was a sign of closeness. It meant you were comfortable enough to fight with someone knowing, at the end of the day, you’d always make up. 

“How very astute of you, Caspar.” he whirled around, eyes squinting in mock scrutiny at Caspar’s own head of hair. Linhardt put his hands on his hips and leaned forward slightly as if deep in thought. 

“Hmm, if my hair is the color of an evergreen then your hair is the color of a robin’s egg.” he nodded, as if satisfied by his response, a hint of a smile worked to push it’s way past his solemn exterior. Watching him look so self-satisfied, Caspar couldn’t help but let out a laugh so loud it bordered on a yell. 

“We belong in nature then! Let’s quit the officer’s academy and spend the rest of our days living like hermits in the woods.” 

This time Linhardt was the one to laugh.

If Caspar’s laugh was like a trombone then Linhardt’s was like a chime. A dainty hand came up to cover his mouth as he chuckled quietly behind it, and Caspar watched on, enamored at the motion. The younger boy loved hearing him laugh, especially when he was the one to make him do it. He didn't understand how something so simple made his heart skip a beat and send his pulse stuttering beneath his skin like that, but he couldn’t get enough of it. 

When they were alone, far away from the judging eyes of the world, it almost felt like he could finally tell the truth. But that fleeting moment of courage passed as soon as Linhardt’s laughs were carried away by the wind. Doubt rooted itself back into his chest. 

“I can’t say I’m opposed to the idea. It would certainly encourage ample time for both naps and research.” leaning against the tree next to him, he crossed his arms while pondering their proposition “Although, you have to promise to go into town sometimes to get me new books, or else I’ll go stir crazy. But out here in nature with no one to bother me except you? Seems like the ideal life.” 

Jokes shouldn’t be allowed to make his heart feel like this. It hurt how much he wanted it to be true.

“It’s a deal then.” and he meant it. If Linhardt asked him to drop everything and run away together he absolutely would. 

But he didn’t ask him and the sun continued to rise over head, driving away the muggy chill of a fall morning. It was surprising that Linhardt was still awake, this was prime nap time for him. He must really be set on finding this flower today. No sooner did the thought cross his mind than Linhardt began to yawn, sleepiness claiming him. The warmth of midday always lulled him into drowsy contentment. Caspar had to stifle a chuckle; he was so predictable. 

No words were needed for them to understand each other. Linhardt turned his head to look back at Caspar before extending his hand behind him for the other to take. His eyes danced from his friend’s face to his outstretched hand, before he reached out and took it hesitantly. It had been a while since they’d last held hands, another part of their relationship that drifted away with age. It felt nice, he didn’t know why they’d ever stopped. 

Linhardt’s hands were so slender compared to his own, and self consciousness started nagging at the back of his mind. He couldn’t help but focus on how rough and calloused his hands felt up against the soft skin of the hand in his own. All his days spent out of the sun and off the battlefield had kept it like fine porcelain. Caspar imagined if he squeezed too hard it might shatter and break, but he knew Linhardt was tougher than he looked. 

He let Lin lead them into the clearing, dragging the shorter man behind him until he found a suitable, shady spot beneath a large maple tree and plopped down on the ground. Arms stretched leisurely above his head as he let out another loud yawn. 

“Nap time.” he announced and patted the spot beside him. “You too.” 

Caspar groaned, now was not the time to be napping in the middle of the woods. Especially when the reason he came was because of the robbery reports littering the area. 

“C’mon Lin, we can’t both be sleeping. What if someone decides to attack us out here?”

“What are the chances that someone is going to be exactly where we are in this sprawling forest and want to attack us? It’s not like we have money on us anyways.” satisfied with his flawless logic he gives the ground beside him another firm pat, knowing Caspar is weak and would never turn him down. “Sit.” 

So he does, because he’ll do anything Linhardt asks of him. But to keep a little dignity he tromps over to their spot, showing that he is not happy about it. Grumbling to himself he slid down the length of the maple tree, only quieting once he hit the ground. Then, after relaxing into a comfortable position he leaned back against the trunk, watching as streaks of sunlight dappled down through the red leaves casting various patterns of light and shadows across his face.

“I’ll sit here but I’m staying up to keep watch, got it?”

“Fair enough.” Lin drawls, eyes drooping dangerously low. Caspar would never understand how he could just fall asleep wherever he wanted. He was so much more relaxed than his friend who was always on edge and ready for anything to happen. Plus, it was hard to imagine the ground being a comfortable resting place when it was covered in rocks, sticks, and bugs. The more he thought about it the more agitated it made him. 

“Lin…” he called to him, waiting until he heard a quiet hum in response “You can put your head on my lap to sleep, kinda like a pillow.” 

“Really?” emerald eyes squinted open to look up at him. Perhaps saying ‘use his lap as a pillow’ was a little too forward. Anxiety worked through him as he began overthinking the simple statement. He had never had trouble falling asleep anywhere before why would it be any different now? There had to be a way to backtrack from his mistake. 

“Yeah if you want to! I just thought the ground might not be that comfortable or whatever.” pausing a moment before he quickly added in a panicked addendum “But you don’t have to!”

He didn’t answer instead choosing to move over and lay his head across Caspar’s lap. 

“You’re right, it’s more comfortable and I don’t have to pick grass out of my hair.” 

Caspar could feel his throat constricting as every coherent thought left his body. He prayed Linhardt couldn’t hear how hard his heart was beating right now as he settled in to dream. Gradually, his breathing slowed into a steady rhythm along with Caspar’s pulse, and he could finally relax as the other dozed. 

There was something soothing about watching Linhardt fall asleep. Caspar couldn’t help but admire the way the other’s hair fell across his lap, his ears peeking out from behind the curtain of hair that normally hid them. And how his long, dark lashes fanned out across pale skin as he closed his eyes, highlighting his fine features even more. Everything about him was delicate and beautiful, and he didn’t even know. It was enough to make Caspar feel like his heart was about to burst. 

Before he could stop himself, his fingers reached out to card through the dark green hair. He could feel how soft the strands were in between his fingers. Caspar wished he was brave enough to do this while Linhardt was awake. To be able to touch him and hold him when he pleased felt like a far off fantasy or, moreso, a delusion. Call him a coward, but he didn’t want to throw their friendship away just because he’d gotten selfish and fallen in love. Love… even the thought sent a sick feeling through his stomach. He knew they could never be together, but maybe he could steal a moment for his own dreams while the other slept. He took a deep breath and opened his mouth.

“I love you, Linhardt.” his heart hammered in his chest as soon as the words left his lips. A whisper only for him to hear, like a forbidden secret finally making its way into the light of day. It felt enjoyable to say if not a bit freeing. The weight of it leaving his shoulders, so that now he could leave this childish crush in the past and move forward with his life. 

What he hadn’t expected was a pair of hands to reach up and grab his shoulders, dragging him down to meet for a kiss. A pair of lips brushed softly against his own, featherlight. It was just a quick peck, but to him it felt like it lasted an eternity. When Linhardt released him, he reeled back so hard his head smacked into the tree behind him with a resounding thunk. That was going to leave a nasty bruise.

“Li-Lin!” he managed to stutter out. A look of shock settled onto his face as he stared down at the boy below him, but Linhardt didn’t seem shaken at all. In fact, quite the opposite, he was grinning hard enough to make the corners of his eyes wrinkle with smile lines. 

“Why didn’t you tell me you were awake!” he yelled affronted. More out of embarrassment than actual anger, but he was never the best at controlling his tone. 

“Why would I tell you that?”

“Because, well-” his mind was running a million miles a minute all he could think about was Linhardt and the kiss and kissing him again and eloquence was already not his strong suit, so he couldn't manage to try saying anything else besides “Because!”

“You didn’t want me to kiss you?” he asked, and Caspar could hear an uncharacteristic tinge of unease behind it. 

“No!” A brief moment of hurt flashed across Linhardt’s face, taking away his smile from the moment before. Caspar balked and tried to collect his words. Goddess he was terrible at this, he hoped Lin would forgive him and his stupid brain. 

“No wait! I mean no as in yes I did want you to kiss me agh! I don’t know Lin. All I know is I like you a lot and I’m really bad at talking and feelings!” he put his head in his hands trying to hide himself away forever. 

“I know.” 

“Let’s just forget thi- wait you know?” once again as it always was, Linhardt was 10 steps ahead, leaving him puzzled. “What do you mean ‘I know’.” he peeked out from behind his hand fortress, embarrassment giving way to intrigue. 

“I know you like me and you’re bad at talking and feelings, why do you think I kissed you first?” he sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “There’s only so long I could wait for you to make the first move, so I just decided to do it.”

The pieces were finally lining up in his brain. Linhardt knew he liked him and liked him back, and they could have been doing this way sooner if Caspar had just pushed past his fears and made a move. He was dumbstruck. 

Finally, Linhardt sat up off his lap, and not a moment too soon. Any longer and Caspar thought he might explode. The contact felt different now that they had crossed the line from friendship to... whatever this was. Were they boyfriends? Or just friends that liked each other and kissed sometimes? Or maybe some type of star crossed lovers? Thinking about it made his head hurt. 

“You’re exceptionally quiet.” Linhardt’s voice broke him out of his reverie. 

“Oh yeah…” he trails off unsure of how to reply “Just thinking I guess.”  
The boy shrugged and stared down at the ground unable to make eye contact. Plucking blades of grass, he rolls them around in his fingers wondering how to approach the questions plaguing him.

“Have you ever kissed anyone before?” Linhardt asked, catching him completely off guard. It was a bit brash, but he was just trying to get to the bottom of his unusually thoughtful attitude.

“Well yeah, of course. Haven’t you?” Caspar’s face was probably beet red at this point. If Linhardt was going to ask stuff like that to him, he could ask it right back.. 

He shook his head.

“No, I was waiting for you.” his straightforward answer knocked the wind out of Caspar. It simultaneously felt like he’d been punched in the gut and given butterflies at the same time. Like butterflies had been punched into his gut? How was he supposed to react to information like that, it was enough to drive him crazy. 

All he could do was lunge at Linhardt and wrap him in a tight hug. He was maybe a little too enthusiastic because he ended up knocking them both to the ground, causing them to roll until the two were resting on their sides. Grass stuck to both of them making Caspar laugh. Linhardt, on the other hand, was shocked into silence for once. The unexpected process of going from sitting upright to being thrown onto the ground stole the words from him.

“A little warning would be nice.” Lin deadpanned, but made no attempt to escape his grip. 

“You can’t say stuff like that and not expect me to react like this!” Caspar buried his face into the other’s shoulder, trying to hide his goofy, overjoyed grin. 

For a moment, he basked in the feeling of finally getting to hold Linhardt; a wish he’d held for many years, but he honestly didn’t think it would ever come to fruition. They had hugged before, but as they got older and more unapproving glares came their way the physical contact dwindled to almost zero. He loosened his grip a bit, focusing instead on how Linhardt’s body fit against his. He had grown quite a bit taller than him these last few years, but he still felt so small in Caspar’s arms. His years of neglecting both training and eating in order to research had left him with a slim build. Caspar could feel the bumps of his spine where his hands rested along his back. 

The forest surrounding them was so quiet, all he could hear was the occasional chirps of birds and the sound of Linhardt breathing against him. Caspar concentrated as hard as he could, making sure to memorize every detail of the moment. Times wouldn’t always be as peaceful as this, so he was going to make sure to enjoy it while it lasted and store it away for later. 

The only problem with sitting peacefully in quiet bliss was that he still couldn't stop thinking about kissing Lin. Now that the idea was in his head, it had firmly implanted there and wouldn’t leave until he gave into it. Was it rude to kiss him again? Did Lin even want to? He wasn’t prepared for the first time it was only fair that he got to do it again knowing he was about to be kissed. Right?! When had he become, so timid. He was the type to be bold and brash and take what he wanted without looking back so that’s what he was going to do!

“Hey Lin.” he shimmied backwards, so that they could be face to face. His heart started to race a little faster. 

“Woulditbeokifwekissedagain?” the question came out so rushed it sounded like one incredibly long word instead of an actual sentence. He hoped Linhardt had understood him, because he didn’t think he had the wherewithal to repeat himself. 

“It would be more than ok.” 

The same warmth he felt whenever Linhardt used to hold his hand, or complimented him, or helped clean him up after a fight seemed to come tenfold now. His hands came up to gently cup Linhardt’s cheeks as he closed his eyes and brought their lips together again. Lin’s hands rested on his chest as they kissed. The feeling of them sprawled over his heart was reassuring and grounding, calming the nerves that wouldn’t stop picking at him. With the doubts quieted, he let himself melt into his partner. Their lips moved against each other naturally, and Caspar naively allowed himself to hope he would be Linhardt’s first and last kiss. 

It wasn’t until he was dizzy that he reluctantly pulled back and allowed them both to breathe. 

He couldn't help but wonder how they’d ended up together. They were opposites in almost every aspect; Linhardt was soft and meticulous while Caspar was rough and reckless. Yet, they somehow still found their way to each other. It was a miracle to say the least. 

“What happened to finding your flower?” Caspar asked, the original reason they had come out here in the first place wheedling its way back into his thoughts. 

Linhardt smiled. 

“I found something better.”

**Author's Note:**

> If you made it to the end thank you for reading! I took some liberties writing in Caspar's pov trying to be a little sillier and less grammatical. Also I hope me using their names and "the other" a thousand times bc I was trying not to make pronouns overlap wasn't too bothersome ;o; As always kudos are appreciated and comments are super appreciated and give me the same feeling that I got the first time I watched fullmetal alchemist.
> 
> I'm always on twitter if you wanna yell at me or be friends  
[@giyuus](https://twitter.com/giyuus)


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